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Friday, October 31st, 2008
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6:30 pm - Pretty Moominvalley, Pretty Flame
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It's been seventy one weeks since the greatest, most awe-inspiring Live Journal on the internet fell silent. With the hateforge of inspiration extinguished and its fire gone from the universe the net returned to a desolate and barren desert replete solely by social networking sites and highly amusing image-posting forums containing billions of important and original lolcat macros. Seventy one weeks since self deprecation, hate, lies and random bouts of swearing vanished up its own arse in a fit of creative blockage and total laziness, while the internet regressed back to the state of a heavily brain-damaged toddler trying to insert the wooden square block into the round hole, which is to say, its eye socket. Seventy one weeks without any sort of outlet to pour all of my creativity, love and constant ever-burning all encompassing anger and total hate for every single living organism into ... man do I ever miss the "Carebear Appreciation Society" community. I've been in mourning ever since its administrator abruptly and without warning deleted the account, sealed himself in his airing cupboard and blew the back of his head off with a shotgun leaving no legacy save a house filled with Carebears with their eyes ripped out.
And by way of a totally planned coincidence, it's also been seventy one weeks since I wrote any stupid shit on the internet - which many would regard as a blessing. So here and now, live and exclusive I'm pulling myself out of the grave of stagnation one last time on this spooky and fucking cold Halloween night and puking a steady stream of reeking zombie bile back onto the net for my devoted audience of two readers. Both of whom have by now quit Live Journal and deleted their accounts.
( Hey ho )
current mood:  macabre
current music: What the fuck is your problem? You killed my audience...
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| Tuesday, June 19th, 2007
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5:15 am - MASSIVE FAIL
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Duurrr! I am truly crap at keeping this journal up to date, but it's not for want of trying. The real reason my posts are so few and far between is because I am a massive perfectionist and for every update I post, there are at least fifty unseen updates I attempt to write and then consign to hell when I lose the ability to think halfway through and have to physically break everything around me within a one metre radius. This is totally the reason and it's not because everything I write is actually horrible shit and makes me want to kill myself by swallowing live wasps.
So here briefly and for one time only, are a selection of aborted updates that slipped under the radar. I still like to think of them as my children, as in the fact that I think of them all as catastrophically terrible mistakes that have ruined my entire life...
( Read more... )
current mood:  most haunted
current music: If I seem free, it's because I'm always running.
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| Sunday, June 3rd, 2007
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5:00 am - Requiem to Youth
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Holy Crunk!! I just turned thirty, at work, on a shift. I don't think there's too much I can say about the relentless passage of time, other then in the ten thousand nine hundred and fifty days of life I have walked this planet, I've learnt absolutely nothing whatsoever.
Good times! Anyhooo this wasn't meant to be a real update, more of a waypoint really, so go in peace fellow humans and know that wherever our paths have crossed along this crazy ride through the cosmos, I'm grateful for the experience.
NOT DEAD YET M*THERF***ER!!
current mood:  omnipotent
current music: Call no man happy who is not dead
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| Tuesday, May 1st, 2007
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6:00 am - You're the most sensitive man I know, and I know God
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Ooooooops, slipped out of communication for a couple of months there. Let's quickly blame anyone but me and all try to get on with our lives. I'm currently at the end of an epic battle of endurance, having done no less then eight thousand shifts in a row. All I know is work now. I am a machine, a call processing automation, an expendable product of a disposable society .. kind of like the robots in I Robot except I don't know how to make sweet potato pie or violently fling my creator through a window. On the plus side, I should have amassed a small fortune after this, and having nothing to spend my money on, shall amuse myself by converting it all into ten pound notes and slowly burning one after the other by candle flame. What a world we live in!
Sooo, the past few months have seen me skirt the borders of an excitingly early midlife crisis, in the sense that I'm on the brink of hitting thirty and have only just mastered the art of dressing myself. I quickly found myself experiencing the classic stages of panic, followed by anger, denial, smoking a joint, remorse, hunger, panic again, telephone, and pizza. And finally as some sort of retarded epilogue, I tried to hack off my left index finger with a penknife (true story). Fortunately time heals, wounds scar over and apart from a minor complex I picked up after visiting my parents, where I became addicted to Most Haunted and started to fancy Yvette Fielding, I think everything is kind of tentatively semi-alright again.
Hmmm, I was pretty sure I'd done more then a paragraphs worth of stuff in the last twenty five months, but I haven't. So before I send my only reader into a permanent state of catatonia and/or braindeath, here's some excellent coping strategies I've been relying on to aid the creeping onset of age, the increasing feelings of a total lack of accomplishment in every single facet of life and the hideous realisation that even I am naught but mortal flesh and will bleed violently and instantly catch tetanus when stabbed in the finger with a penknife.
( Read more... )
current mood:  muscular and compact
current music: You better shut your mouth. Or so help me God I'll punch your lights out.
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| Wednesday, January 24th, 2007
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10:15 pm - I've got a bad feeling about this...
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RED LEADER: All wings report in.
RED TEN: Red Ten standing by.
RED SEVEN: Red Seven standing by.
RED THREE: Red Three standing by.
RED SIX: Red Six standing by.
RED NINE: Red Nine standing by.
WEDGE: Red Two standing by.
RED ELEVEN: Red Eleven standing by.
LUKE: Red Five standing by.
RED LEADER: Lock S-foils in attack position ... We're passing through their magnetic field. Hold tight!
( Read more... )
current mood:  I have you now!
current music: You know, sometimes I amaze even myself
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| Tuesday, January 23rd, 2007
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10:40 am - Anthem for P'wned Youth
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Hooo ha! It's another icy cold cadaver of a morning and time to exhume another stupid update from the humourless barren wasteland of my featureless skull. Before I kick off, I'd just like to say I had a thoroughly enjoyable night at Evoke, so thanks to all the lovely people I saw and spoke to. I haven't seen some of you in ages, so twas great to catch up and I definitely intend to go to the next one and do some more exploring of this strange wide frightening world that lies beyond the frontier of my bedroom door.
This mornings update comes from the far future. It's a stone cold fact maaan that the extremes of human experience suffered by soldiers in various theatres of war have lead to the writing of some of the most moving and memorable poetry ever - about war. All of a sudden, soldiers realised they didn't have to write poems about flowers and rabbits and the love of a good women standing under a rainbow. Yuck! War poems generally tend to be more concerned with the psychologically scarring horrors of conflict, the loss of innocence in the face of inhumanity and the feeling you get when you're halfway through a conversation about cricket with the guy next to you when his head is suddenly machine-gunned off and lands thirty feet behind your trench and falls down a rabbit hole. This sort of unflinching honesty made many war poets very famous, unfortunately World War One also made most of them very dead, proving that being posted to the frontline during a war is a particularly bad time to consider a career in literature.
Sooo, let's quickly spin on from 1914 to the year 2142. I've been playing quite a lot of online PC game Battlefield 2142 which is almost exactly the same as World War One. Except that it's a computer game, it's set in the future and you can drive fucking huge robots which tred on people. It's also very hard to contract syphilis or trenchfoot from playing video games, I however have not only managed to pick up both, but have even dared to dream what it would be like if those computer generated fellows from space could and would write First World War style poetry. So please come join me for some more heartfelt crap and soon enough I'll think you'll agree, that this has been another exercise in complete and utter failure.
( Read more )
current mood: abject fear of death
current music: "The ways of God are strange!"
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| Saturday, January 20th, 2007
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4:00 am - Please don't kill us, Lake Monster!
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Greetings and welcome to the middle of the bloody night. My pulse is currently 220 bpm thanks to loads of coffee, so I'll get this out of the way before tachycardia causes all my veins to simultaneously explode and I fountain geysers of blood over the new office carpet and ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) fuktperkusiv's emo haircut.
Currently I'm still rather enjoying this year. I have been undergoing a personal quest of self advancement, intellectual fulfillment and physical development. This means I read ten hours worth of wikipedia articles about World War Two every night at work before staggering home and managing three to four sit-ups until I start retching blood. Finally I sedate myself with a small sherry (half a bottle) before collapsing into a long dreamless deathlike sleep, with my arms crossed across my chest and holding a wilting black rose in my mouth. Never before have I felt so fit and funky, and actually looked so pallid and coated with grease.
Anyway, who cares? I'm going to Evoke this Sunday if anyone's interested, and by that I mean the club not that I am going to sit in my basement with my I-Spy book of the The Lesser Key of Solomon trying to summon errant spirits to lead me to buried treasure. So if you're going I'll see you there and if not, I won't, so nerr.
Also, everyone who's even slightly into video games should drop what they are doing straight away (especially if its breakable) and purchase Psychonauts because it's freaking awesome. The other day I was inside the mind of a giant mutated lungfish which was represented as a B-movie set where I appeared as a huge Godzilla like monster crushing a city full of small lungfish wearing police uniforms ... Aaand you get to burn stuff. I rest my case. Anyhoo, I need more coffee, so have a great weekend whatever or whoever you're doing and I'll try to stay alive until next time. Cross my ventricles and hope to .. errk
current mood:  Junctional Tachycardia
current music: This will only hurt until your brains come flying out!
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| Saturday, January 13th, 2007
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3:30 am - Sooo, I woke up and it was next year
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 HOLY CRAP ..
.. on a bicycle!! I'm not dead. Hey kids it's me, the internets no. 1 person on the internet called fia5co, not that anyone remembers who I am anymore because my posting schedule accidentally flew up shit creek last year. It was a terrible tragedy of epic proportions as I failed to document some incredible things that happened to me. Unfortunately I can't remember a single one of them because I spent most of the year drunk after the ceiling in my room collapsed and I was trapped in the blood and rubble for three months and had to eat a pile of dirty washing to stay alive.
Fortunately I escaped in time for Christmas and had a magical season of peace and goodwill back in ye Olde Bristol Towne. I ate solidly, more then three times my own body weight and now intend to turn all of that rippling fat into rippling muscle as soon as I can get up off the sofa without keeling over and suffering major heart palpitations. Other then that, I can only report that things are pretty much the same. I am still in the same lovely job, still in the same lovely house (parts of which are still standing) and still have the same flashbacks to Flanders and the rain and the shells and the mud and the indescribable horror and so many sweet young lives snuffed out before they had a chance to shine.
Anyhooo I'm feeling highly optimistic about this year, in much the same way as I felt this time last year before my room imploded and everthing went to shit. However, now I have literally countless exciting ambitions and pet projects and am quietly confident that this is the year I'll make one hundred million pounds before June and be able to afford that money suit I've always dreamed of. So I hope you all had a rather spiffing Christmas and that whatever stupid godforsaken year this actually is'll hold plenty of magic and wonder, and tons of cold hard stinking cash for all of us. I'll be back to update again in hopefully under six months, so until then lets just all pretend that none of this ever happened. Doo do do do doo dooooo! NONE OF IT!!
current mood:  KIA
current music: Life's a die and then you bitch
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| Tuesday, June 13th, 2006
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10:30 am - Moviedrone 2006 - Serious Summertime Sequels
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| Wednesday, May 3rd, 2006
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12:25 pm - Alternative Reality Roundup
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Wooo I've just had six days off and think they've permanently removed points from my IQ. So before I completely degenerate into drooling and the primal urge to hump furniture, I'd like to extend absolutely massive thanks to everyone who came to our party. I think I speak for all my flatmates, especially the ones called Matthew, when I say we had an outstanding time and it was great to have the opportunity to do something like that again. If I had my way, I'd have another party tomorrow and one every day for the next six months. I'd also make attendance compulsory and there would be some sort of mandatory pseudo-military theme which would involve everyone rolling around in mud and pig offal in the dark while firing off hundreds of rounds of live ammunition. There is probably a reason I don't get my way too often.
Anyway, after every monumental victory there is always a quieter period of contemplation and reflection. I always reach this point at work, in between taking calls from sassy caller jerks and trying to explain to a third stage guild navigator why my spice production levels have dramatically fallen. It's easy, after all my time off and party excitement, to feel a bit deflated and wonder what the point is in the real world and all its humdrum horror. Sure, it pays the rent and allows me to buy huge amounts of pointless materialistic rubbish that I simply toss onto a gigantic roaring fire in the middle of my bedroom, but oh boy does everyday life have to be so uninspiring?
The problem is that the entire real life concept is played out. It's run its course. Very few of us are ever going to become fulfilled in our own minds let alone end up as astronauts, secret agents or killer mutant cyborgs which makes our daily existence seem drab compared with any form of escapism whatsoever. Fortunately, I currently exist on several different plains of reality so am able to gauge how well things are going compared to how well the lives of characters from my deranged imagination are doing in various made up situations. This of course makes perfect sense and is in no way egotistical or demented and one day I hope to have a very long chat with a therapist about all of these lovely issues I seem to be having.
( Read more... )
current mood:  The horror...
current music: PBR Street Gang, this is Almighty, over...
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| Tuesday, April 18th, 2006
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1:45 pm - Happy Easter Funtime Update
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Believe it or not, I am still around. I do still read my friends list and I haven't fallen down a ravine and broken my spine. Every single night there is in fact an unseen life and death struggle where I attempt to write an award winning update and every single night this meets with abject failure as I complete the first paragraph then stare blankly at the screen for 40 minutes until I log out and go and read random forum threads about sandworms or some shit.
I know! I know, it sucks and I suck and have always sucked, but what the hell. Things aren't going to change anytime soon so lets all just get on with our lives. In fact quite a few people (two) have asked me when or if I was going to update again? and one even went as far to say "you can't sleep here sir, you are causing an obstruction". Well, just for you Officer Lazarus, I'm hauling my slack ass back onto the net and rejoining this magical world of high adventure and circle jerking. This can only end well.
I am in a pretty good mood at the moment despite having spent most of the Easter weekend at work avoiding fun at all costs. I tend to hyperventilate with retarded excitement at the prospect of chocolate eggs, either that or end up choking on the pretty foil wrappings, so the doctors decided I better sit this one out somewhere I could do no harm. So while I was taking one for the team so to speak I decided to get some Easter time feedback from my good friends, the callers I deal with on a nightly basis. I wanted to prove to myself that the underlying goodwill message of Easter has not been lost under the suffocating weight of mass consumerism and also ease my own route into heaven by ramming my religious views down peoples throats like every other outspoken holier than thou faggot who tries to impose their own personal choice of belief upon everyone they come in contact with.
( Please God don't click here if you're likely to get offended about anything at all especially words and shit on the internet )
current mood:  okay
current music: You are transparent ... I see many things
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| Wednesday, February 22nd, 2006
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10:00 am - I Rapper
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Hey, you kids like rap don't you, Right?
RIGHT?
( Aww fuck )
current mood:  rappy
current music: I had a strizzoke in my brizzain Thanks for bringing that up
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| Monday, February 6th, 2006
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10:40 am - You're just part of everything that's happening tonight and it's all bad!
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You know when everything's wrong, but it's all so trivial you look like a moron complaining about it? Yeah well I'm going to risk moron status and list a load of the trivial things bugging me, then I can work out a few simple conclusions and act on them, improving my life one hundred percent so I can follow my dream of living on a desert island in harmony with all of Gods creatures until such time as the only coconut on the island growing in the only tree, suddenly falls onto my head splitting my skull open like a coconut. It's even more ironic when you consider that I don't even like coconut and a desperate coconut killed both of my parents in front of me when I was a child.
Tragic though that may be, there are a number of even more tragic circumstances making my life a living hell at the moment. And here they are in some sort of convenient easy to read list, below the cut, that I just happened to throw together in between the constant fits of crying and cramming my mouth full of raw coconut.
( Read more... )
current mood:  frustrated
current music: The chicks are packed! The chicks are packed!
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| Wednesday, January 11th, 2006
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10:05 am - Lets make a difference!
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Christmas may be over folks, but that doesn't mean we can sit around all day drinking beer resting on our fat fat laurels. No, we have a whole new year of eternal darkness and suffering to force our way through. This time last year I made up some dumb assed list of New Years resolutions which I totally failed to achieve. This year however, I'm going to be even less original. So here's some more resolutions that I solemnly resolve to resolve in this brand new year of our heinous emperor 2006.
 I shall train intensively as a spiritual medium, mastering the arts of Parapsychology until I can influence external objects non physically and channel entities as a matter of course. Then I shall assume a new identity as a crime fighting superhero called GhostBoi, calling upon my spirit buddies to make slight creaking noises on evildoers staircases in the dead of night and aid me in projectile vomiting streams of ectoplasm on demand.
I shall devote my spare time to disproving various types of paradox, such as What happens when an irresistible force meets an immovable object?. This will end tragically after I drunkenly ride my flatmates irresistible motorbike into front of our immovable house. Upon meeting my maker I shall continue the experiment by asking God if he could create a stone that even he could not lift, then watch as he does and drops it onto my head for infinity.
I shall start a shady religious cult called the Church of Bio-entology. This organisation shall be exclusively for animals and I shall teach them morals, ethics and self-improvement techniques all the while fleecing them for 10% of their gross income. Hopefully they will never get wise to this as animals are notoriously stupid.
I shall attempt to buy up the country's unexploited Lego resources and use them to build a new Tower of Babel up into the heavens. Although I may have to abandon this project due to nausea stemming from vertigo if the tower reaches above 10ft in height.
I shall create a pornographic thumbnail gallery post webpage where amazingly the thumbnails you click on correspond to the gallery you are taken to, rather then being directed to another pornographic TGP which directs you to a page of more TGP's which only lead to yet more TGP's in a frustrating infinite loop of pure futility.
( Click here for 10% more drunken shemale slutz )
current mood: excited
current music: The empty sounds of dust blowing through a thousand skulls
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| Monday, January 9th, 2006
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4:00 am - Back for More
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Oh noes it's another thrilling year for me to live through. Christmas is over, I'm back in Port Portsmouth and even worse, back at work, right now, errr working. Not that I can complain in anyway as Xmas was pretty damn fun. Going home sorted out my messed up head a treat and just about every day was spent either full of food, drunk in a pub or running round and round a forest in the dark in subzero temperatures. All of those lazy cold Christmas days and forests have put me into some sort of excited and resolutely optimistic phase for the coming year and I'm just generally going to wing everything and have a good time regardless. I'm through with moaning and feeling shoddy man! Somehow I'm going to shine this year and if that involves setting myself on fire in public, then I am totally up for it.
Wooo so that's a good start. It's nice to be back too and I can tell the fates are smiling on me because I immediately caught some sort of hilarious dysentry thing from Portsmouths crappy water supply that, I discovered, is actually pumped directly from the Solent to our taps via a huge tank full of decomposing rat carcasses. Due to this I'm switching to exclusively drinking bottled beer for the rest of the year. Other resolutions I have just made up, include going out and visiting people a lot more. In fact I have just got back from a weekend in London with Doctor_Slash which was totally full of bottled beer, pubs and war museums. Just these small acts of catching lots of trains and looking at tanks has armed me with renewed confidence and a fighting heart and I possibly may even be persuaded to leave the house again before the year is out.
So everything is good again. Whatever the coming year holds, riches, fame, sudden violent death or just endless days of playing City of Villains in my pants while stoned off my nuts, I am sure it will all be awesome. And if all else fails I can always dig a trench in the back garden and sit in it all night drinking bottles of beer and pretending I'm a paratrooper. Good luck in '06 everybody. God willing, I'll see you in the assembly area. Hang tough.
current mood:  good
current music: Hide your morphine, guys.
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| Sunday, December 18th, 2005
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6:40 am - Till next year
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That's it. That's me done and well and truly dusted folks. This is my last ever shift of this year ever! and thus my last ever post of 2005. After this, I'm going to rush out and get as holy cosmic drunk as possible and try to catch any sort of train moving in a northwards direction. Sometime later I'm hoping to awake at my parents house to find I'm fifteen again and it's all been some kind of fantastic yet terrible dream. Then I can start over and screw it all up in exactly the same way. Woooo roll on 2006!
Anyhooo now is hardly the time to have some sort of gooey introspective reflective period. But now is the time for me to parade this gooey introspective heart warming Christmas poem I just hammered together out of bits of tinsel and the dreams of small children. Spoiler alert: It sucks and I hilariously kill myself by accident.
Another night I won't remember, stuck at work in cold December,
Fourth floor window, dreary city. Full of strangers. Little pity.
I wish I may, I really do. I wish with all my might,
But miracles work best in books,
And not alone at night.
Then through the darkness, sudden glowing! Raining light like holy snowing,
A guiding star all heaven sent. Lights up the skies with its descent,
My eyes are wide, my heart is skipping, Hope to God that I'm not tripping,
I hear a voice, it fills my ears,
Dispelling all the hurt and fears.
I reach out towards my calling - oops smashing glass noise and I'm falling,
Leant too hard on window pane, fell clean through, I ascertain,
My guiding star I try to grab, my brain connects with paving slab.
A massive cracking ends my flight,
And starts a truly silent night.
Well awesome! that was totally fucking depressing. It honestly wasn't meant to be, so I hope in someway that the cheery animated gifs reflect the warmth and joy present in the hearts of all men at this magical time of year. Ok Jeeez, Happy Christmas and all that crap, can I go get drunk yet?
current mood: okay
current music: I am shaking so goddamn much, I feel like I'm dancing
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| Monday, December 12th, 2005
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4:55 am - Hier Beginnt die Ausserwelt
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I remember the days when I used to post more than once every three months. I remember the days before big_size used to have to text me every two weeks to see if I'd committed suicide yet. I remember when I was young and so were you and time stood still and love was all we knew. I can't however remember most of Friday night and Saturday because I was completely paralytic, which is how I spend my now considerable amounts of free time. Welcome back to the war buddy, where every day is a thankless grind that goes on forever and ever with no respite at all, err apart from Xmas, but that's totally blowing the maudlin vibe here. Tsk, Bloody Xmas.
So here I am, back again and in exactly the same position I was at this time in 2003. This year has been another classic case of me unobservantly cruising along, blinkered enough to miss every single sign that something was wrong and enjoying blissful ignorance as only the truly dense can. Then BAM! it's all gone, all changed and all I have left is the time spent every day since congratulating myself on letting everything spiral down into hell, again, and not doing anything about it. One of my many character flaws is an ability to trudge on regardless of imminent problems and kind of just hope they'll go away. I'm like the Titanic. I can see shit ahead but just sail onwards with my unsinkable optimism and my gross tonnage of 46,000 tons, saying things like "I sure don't like the look of that iceberg" and "I hope I don't hit that iceberg" and "ooh it's a long shot, but I think we're just going to miss that iceberg". Then of course I run full steam into the iceberg, catch fire, sink and everyone dies, the worst bit of course being that the captain is guaranteed to say "whoa, didn't see that one coming!".
Anyway. That was all a bit pointless and cryptic, but I just wanted to let anyone who cares know that I am okay and not likely to do anything stupid, as much as continuing down this present path can be considered not stupid. Nothing seems easy at all at the moment and to top everything, I've lost my goddamn watch! I was only just bragging the other day about these last two years being the longest I've ever owned a watch without breaking or losing it. Then I lost it. Hahaha, go figure. Fucking watch!
Well. That's the hard part over. Quick thanks to everyone I know for tolerating my pathetic whining during this crappy time and big thanks to those who have offered constant and invaluable support and advice like "no, don't join the Navy" and "no, I don't think it's a good idea to set yourself on fire". As far as I can see it's all plain sailing from now on and even though I'm not too sure about the look of those twenty icebergs ahead, I'm pretty confident I'm going to miss them all completely.
current mood:  blah
current music: Well ... shit
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| Wednesday, December 7th, 2005
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4:14 am
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I have never been so goddamn depressed.
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| Monday, September 19th, 2005
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9:54 am - Online crap about online crap
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Sweet Jesus, I think I need to revaluate most of my entire life. I've just spent two solid days in my room in the dark, curtains drawn, window shut, levelling up my character in an online computer game and only sleeping when exhaustion took over enough to make me fall off my chair into bed. Even then I missed the bed but still had vivid dreams about levelling from the floor.
You may be having a pretty bad time at the moment. Money may be hard to come by, your relationship may contain more holes than a creationists argument or you may constantly be surrounded by more assholes then someone stood in the moshpit at a Papa Roach concert. But just think for a second, no matter how bad things get - you (probably) have not just spent the last 48 hours playing a computer game! I have totally shamed my ancestors with this sassy display of slack behaviour and almost feel glad to be back at the office where I can escape the addictive monotony of performing a repetitive thankless task over and over again, by simply performing my repetitive thankless job over and over and over ag.. wait a sec.
Anyway, if you happen to be really socially stunted or, like me, just plain stupid and think that devoting countless hours to sitting in front of a computer is a radical idea, then under the cut is a quick list of radical problems that I encountered and some equally quick solutions that can get you back into the game and accumulating XP faster then your fat mother accumulates weight at an all night drive thru. Oh yes, I went there.
( Read more... )
current mood: blah
current music: Dear Statesman...
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| Wednesday, September 7th, 2005
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7:10 am - Romancing the Stoma
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Valentines day has long since gone, but that doesn't mean you can't have a bit of romance at the end of the summer. I got the boxed DVD set of World at War through the post yesterday morning, so I'm feeling pretty loved up at the moment and thought I'd write the most romantic song in the world to celebrate the most powerful of all human emotions. So please put down whatever the hell you're doing and grab your nearest and dearest, or failing that your Mum, family pet, tub of ice cream or anime porn collection. Sit them/it down and treat them forever by singing them the goddamn masterpiece below under the cut-tag. I guarantee it will melt their stone cold dead heart quicker then an elaborate ice sculpture of a swan caught in the middle of a thermonuclear explosion in a firework factory. I recommend you play some sort of romantic instrument while singing to add to the general effect - like a piano, acoustic guitar or some sort of dusty old accordion with a dead monkey chained to it.
( Read more... )
current mood:  hot
current music: I NEED 10CCs of MEDIHYDROPHENALYNINE STAT!!
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